Coach (sitcom)

Coach
Scene: karen is being newly ontroduced to the crew, it's the first day on the job

[on plane, gilbert and karen enter, gilbert has a clipboard, and karen is struggling to clip on name tag while paying attention]

Gilbert: and this is your station. 1A- 24C is your responsibility. NEVER leave your station. We pride ourselves on integrity, honesty, speedy service [continues ranting with back turned, Britney enter and notices karen]

Britney: Ooh my god TAnya! [squeals throws pillows she was holding and claps hands excitedly, rushes to karen and pulls her away from an unsuspecting gilbert] Tanya! Tanya!

[enter next level, yanya is putting away pillows that britney was supposed to be helping her with]

Britney: Tanya! Look!

Tanya: Jeez Britney, did you put the damn pillows away like i told you?

Britney: [brushes her off- takes pillows from tanya and throws them aside] It's teh new trainee!

Karen: [babbles incoherently, trying to find teh words to introduce herself- flustered]

Tanya:...the new trainee? what happened to the..uh what's her name, Tif? Tiffany?

[karen is standing between the two girls-she is short so they tower over here as they discuss]

Britney: Oh...i'm not sure. last time i saw her was on friday. i think she was asking about restrooms or something and i pointed to where they were, but i haven't seen her since...ANYWAY don't you like her smile? [britney pulls karen's cheeks, karen fidgests uncomfortable]

Tanya: [sighs] well welcome aboard- your the third one this month.

Britney: no it's like..um, like..[appears to be thinking hard, counting, makes gestures {improv}] 2..maybe..no...

Tanya: [shoves pillows at britney, who stumbles] GO. [points to stairs]

Britney: But Tany-

Tanya: Britney- GO

Karen: ummm [is ignored] i'm gonna go [is still ignored while they bicker. tries to sneak away]

Britney: [grabs karen] but the new trainee tanya! what if she wants to do the pillows? [tanya gives a skeptical look]

Karen: [finally has courage to speak up] well actually-

[gilbert enters]

Gilbert: KAREN! what did i say about leaving yoru station! Your compromising the integrity of this airline! Do you want to get fired [steps into karen enphasizing and spitting every word] do you want to lose the job you worked to get? OBVIOUSLY! And you two! wher eyou having a pillow fight? this isnt' a lesbian pornography ladies. Get back to work!

Tanya: Give it a rest jeeves

Britney: your such a party pooper gil, we WERE working [turns to karen and whispers] he's just mad because he had the hots for me and found out i was lesbian

Gilbert: what was that! [karen all the while is stunned]

Britney: I said that you're just md cuz me and Tanya are life parter and you had the hots for. [patters out of the room. few seconds later patters back in, grabs a pillow and patters away]

SCENE 2

[flight is already taking place, all passengers are boarded, Britney is bickering with a male passenger]

Britney: look sir you don't need fat free sugar for your water.

Passanger 1: yes- i do.

Britney: you'll only attract ants sir.

Passanger 1: your in a plane lady no ants can get on here.

Britney: [ disgusted] Ants CAN fly

Passanger 1: this is rediculous. i demand to see your manager

Britney: he's busy with the poor people side. if you want to see him you'll have to wait.

Passanger 1: look you!

Britney: look at what!

Passanger 1: Argh! Get me another stewardardess, or somebody who can actually provide me with help!

Britney: ther's no one named stewart though.. but if it's help you need, ok [leaves passanger]

Passanger 1: [to passanger 2] can you believe the service on this plane?

Passanger 2: i know, you'd think they would be a bit taller.

Passanger 1: [gives a wtf look]

[tanya is putting away food articles on storage leve, britney enters]

Britney: Gosh some passangers can be so rude, they dont even know math

Tanya: hey brit, whats wrong now

Britney: a passanger on the coach level thinks he can put sugar in water and no ants will show up.

Tanya: but how is that math?


Britney: water plus sugar equals ants. i thought you went to college tanya..

Tanya: [shakes head] what passanger needs the help?

Britney: you can't miss him, he has tubes coming out of his nose.

[enter tanya to coach level, goes to sick man]

Tanya: I heard there was a problem here.

Passanger 1: look lady- i need some fricken' sugar water for my diabetes

Tanya: i apologize for the delay, we will get that for you right away sir.

Passanger 1: will it hav sugar this time?

Tanya: yes sir. [passes karen, and stops her] hey, get some sugar water for tubes over there.

SCENE 3

[gilbert is in main room aand karen walk in on speech with sugar water in her hand]

Gilbert: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, My name is Gilbert and i will be your attendant for this evening. We will be serving dinner shorty so lease keep all children seated. If additional assistance is needed, don't hesitate to ask.

[karen tries to make her way to passanger 1, but is tripping over items, trying to keep the water from spilling, and is making a rucus. gilbert glares at karen]

Gilbert: Our flight will land in 1 hour and the menus for tonite is chicken and green beans. Thank you for flying coach. [pulls karen aside who is about to hand the drink to passanger 1, almost spills it]

Britney: Gil i thought you said you hated it when people asked for your help? [gilbert slaps his forehead and turns back to karen, much more angered]

Gilbert: NEVER interrupt me when i am speaking to the passengers. Do you have ANY idea how rude it is!

Passanger 1: My water-

Gilbert: One MOMENT sir [grabs cup from karen to emphasize his point]

Passanger 1: Give me my water! [clutches at glass and is in a tug-o-war like fight with gilbert]

Gilbert: Give me my WATER!

Passanger 1: It's not YOUR water it's MINE!

Karen: uh.. please just-

Passanger 1 and Gilbert: BE QUIET!

[karen accepts defeat and backs away, leaving them to quarrel]

Britney: [is on her way out of the room when she hears a noise coming out of the closet- the door is jammed as she struggles with it, it opens and the stewardess who disappeared falls out]

Britney: Hey! look Gilbert, it's the girl who disappeared! [gilbert drops the glass on the mans head, clearly stunned]

Disappeared Stewardess: water!

[all passangers scream and start running amok, Tanya walks in holding a pillow, observes everything for a while, shakes her head throws the pillow and walks out]

END SCENE.