Gassy Horror! (Internal Monologue)

I am in class, everyone is silently reading, and I develop a bad case of gas. I hear my stomach silently gurgle, and I know what wants to come and slip out of the basement. "Oh no, please no. Everyone is quiet. Everyone will hear me." I begin to fidget in my seat because I am desperately trying to fight beast that wants to be released. "Oh my god, I had to eat those burritos for lunch, didn't I. What a stupid mistake. To make matters worse, I had to get gas at the most horrible moment of class. Please Erik, don't fart in front of everyone, everyone will laugh at the sound and make fun of you" I tap my foot viciously, and I am dreading each minute that passes by. "If only I had my agenda so I can go to the restroom. At least I could fart along the way, and fart in the restroom. This is so embarrassing." I turn the pages of my book, and it makes a loud enough sound that I think up of a plan. "I should just far slowly and lightly while turning the pages so that maybe people wont hear me." I release some of the gas, but this person to my left looks at me with curious glance. "Oh my god, I knew someone was going to hear it. Please don't start laughing, then everyone will ask why you're laughing and you will tell them what happened." However, miraculously, he narrowed his focus back to his book. "Oh my god, hopefully he didn't hear. However, I think he did and he is just ignoring it. Oh my god, I really need to get out of this classroom." I look at the clock, "Oh my god, there's still 20 minutes left of this class." I begin to think to myself some more. "Why now! UGH! Why does this have to happen to me? Does this problem happen to anyone else? It sure does not seem like it. I know it is just going to come out on its own free will eventually, I just know it. That is when everyone will hear me. Why I did not stay at home, I do not know. I had to get gas also during SSR, the quietest segment of class, just my luck to. Oh my god, I am still stuck in this class for 15 minutes, the clock is going so slow! Maybe the clocks are running behind today. Oh I hope so. That would be the best, and then I could fart outside of class instead of in it. I would be so relieved if that were to be the case. What are the chances of the clocks being behind though? I don't think that is very likely though, so I probably should not get my hopes up for a miracle like that. 14 minutes left? What the hell! It seems like we have been in this class for the longest time. This SSR crap takes forever. I should just ask my friend if I could just borrow his agenda and use it to go to the restroom. Oh my god, why didn't I think of that before? Never mind, his name is probably all over it, so the teacher wouldn't buy it. I should probably try farting quietly again, see where that takes me...he turned to stare at me again? How can he possibly hear me? Maybe my farts aren't as quiet as I think they are. Ha-ha. This is funny. I keep distracting him from his reading. Maybe he is annoyed by my farting. I wonder what would happen if I were to just let it all go. Just make a big boom in the classroom. That would just be embarrassing, but everyone will laugh and I would probably laugh at the moment as well, but would be embarrassed at the same time. I can just imagine someone else doing that, how funny. 10 minutes left. Of my fucking god! How much longer can this class go for!? For god's sake, he is tormenting me on purpose, I swear! I am so tempted to just run out of this classroom and just let it all out there! My stomach keeps gurgling, NO! Shut up stupid stomach before I stab you. No, I'll never have the guts to stab myself. Sorry tummy. Now, I need something to do to occupy myself and get my attention away from the time. Let’s see. I really can't get up and do anything because I think my gas will just let itself go if I walk around, so that's out of the question. Maybe if I talk to Missy, then the teacher will yell at me and tell me to shut up, and maybe that will make the time go by faster. I love making teachers hush me up. I'm an over excessive talker, I never noticed that. Well, maybe I have noticed it, but I just noticed it right now, at the time being. Oh my god, check myself out, I'm just rambling off like an old oaf. I need to fart so badly, it's not even funny. Haha............fart............that's a funny word. Fart. FART! Shut up stomach, you’re stupid, and I hate you, and I'm sorry for eating that burrito. Next time, I'm sticking to subway. Stupid taco bell, with your bean and cheese goodness. Bean and cheese burrito infatuation. Cheesy potatoes. Maybe the cheese also had to do something with this catastrophic situation I'm in. Haha. Gassy, that's funny also. Two minutes...FINALLY! This SSR crap went by so slow! I'm so excited. I'm going to pack my stuff right now..............Oh my god what does the teacher want now? WHAT! Ten minutes detention because I didn't read? What kind of bull is that!? Oh my god, I'm never going to get rid of this stupid gas.